Thursday, September 5, 2013

What Am I Doing?

Sorry I haven't been around. Life gets crazy, and I don't make the time to document all the exciting things that happen. This summer was AWESOME! I didn't have any classes, so I was able to enjoy the summer without the added stress of keeping up with assignments. We made two trips to Minnesota. One was for the blessed event of my brother and his beautiful bride getting married. We were all in it, so it was super exciting and super fun.

Did you miss the pictures? No worries! Here's the link to the photographers blog!

We celebrated all three of the girls' birthdays while we were up in Minnesota. That meant two trips to the Mall of America. We made a stop at the Amercian Girl Store both times. That is where Allisyn decided to do her birthday shopping, and then Piper FINALLY got to pick out her Amercian Girl for her 5th birthday. Good memories were definitely made this summer.

But now that summer is over and we are settling back into the routine of things, I find myself struggling. Last year, we had our schedule all planned out. It was going to work out nicely, and my mommy guilt was minimal.

Things changed. Michael accepted a job at the VA hospital. This is FANTASTIC! I'm super proud of him. It has been his long-term goal. He was hired on as a supervisor and will be working nights again. The big challenge? He has to do his training during the day shift. This meant our nice little schedule we had set up had to change. We had to find someone to watch Gabi while I was in class. Hello maximal mommy guilt.

We started looking and found someone pretty quickly. She was close; she was a mom with two little girls for Gabi to play with. She had her degree in early childhood development; we were excited. Then 5 days before she was supposed to start watching her, she called and said she couldn't do it. I totally get the why and have no ill feelings toward her, but, needless to say, I went back into panic mode. Then we got a recommendation from some friends. This lady is even closer! She watches a few kids on different days, so Gabi still has people to play with. She really enjoys it. Then I get a text saying she has a family emergency this week, and she isn't going to be available this week. More panicking. Thankfully a wonderful friend from church said bring her over here! Gabi has been doing wonderfully with it all. She is just going with the flow.

Today she started back to Sonshine School. It's her Mother's Day Out. She loves it. She gets a lot out of it, and would be disappointed if she didn't get to go. So now, my sweet three-year-old, who was going to go hang out with a friend one day a week, and then have her SSS twice a week is going to childcare three days a week on top of her SSS. I know she is handling it well, and she seems to be enjoying it all, but I can't help but feel guilty that I'm not there with her like I was for the other too.

I turned in my application to nursing school last week, and I was mostly excited, but part of me was scared. What is it going to be like if I get in? I'm already struggling to get in enough study time this semester. (What am I doing blogging, right?) Allisyn has mentioned several times how she wishes I could be a "just at home" mom again. So that's where I am. In a place full of doubt and uncertainty that I am doing what is best for my family. I need to up my prayers and work on giving it completely over to God, but it's such a hard thing to let go of without dwelling on it.

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